Grief is a bitch

there, I said it. We all grieve I many different ways. Even as an introvert, I welcome (most) conversation & cards. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CARDS. 

Neither here nor there. But what about the grief that no one sees? The grief that haunts, that wakes you up in the middle of the night questioning everything. Grieving and longing for what was and for what will never be. 

I don’t cry often, but I feel (often many conflicting) things at once. Then the floodgates open. 31 years of shit. It just comes out. There’s anger, confusion, sadness, loneliness, rage…there’s isolation, yet all the while a deep longing for companionship. 

Two friends lost their grandparents within days of each other. My heart just breaks. It shatters for them. For their loss, the aching pain that ebbs & flows. My ’empathy meter’ is high off the chart, exploding when someone close to me experiences a loss. Whether it’s a physical loss or an emotional one, a loss is a loss. 

So, what’s a gain? How the hell to I know? Is a gain in the midst of a loss a tighter knit community? Is it a step forward? Finding even the smallest way to care for yourself? I don’t know. 

This I know (even though I really struggle to believe it for myself): we are worthy of love and belonging. We matter. We live stories. 

& this isn’t to be all woo-sah or whatever. But maybe it’s a tiny glimmer of hope?

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