2:30 am

…& I can’t sleep. Not even sure why I’m here writing. There’s so much to say, yet I’m not even sure how to say it. I haven’t opened my new journal. I’ve been talking, but not fully. Talking about the trauma shit, I mean. 

WHY IS IT SO BAD LATELY?!?!! The flashbacks, the punitive bx (even tonight), the triggers. Just EVERYTHING. Therapist things it’s really bad right now because of the wedding in a few weeks. 

Ugh. Glad I talked to J today and told her what’s really going on. 

I miss local community. I need it. I crave it. Real honesty. Community from anywhere, really. 

Need a hug. 

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